My name is Bond … Sanskari Bond!

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Screw the libtards of India. It’s just one kiss that was cut short. Just one lousy kiss. I just cannot see why the libtards made such a huge ruckus about it. The film’s producers shouldn’t have applied for a U/A certificate in the first place.

Bond is Bond. An aborted kiss and a couple of deleted profanities have no effect on the impact left on you by the twenty fourth Bond movie.

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One lousy kiss!

Spectre is the one of the best Bond movies ever made, no question. Three years ago, I wrote the same words about Skyfall, but Bond just keeps getting better with age.

When Daniel Craig first appeared as 007 in Casino Royale, I was one of millions of Bond-fans who howled in disbelief. Four Bond movies later, Craig practically owns the role, and one is actually sorry that Craig says he will not play Bond again.

Well, like Craig, Sean Connery also said “never again” after Diamonds are Forever, but he did make a comeback didn’t he?

Spectre has everything that a Bond-nut like me expects from a Bond movie – and then some.

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The traditional gun barrel sequence is restored to its rightful place, the opening sequence is heart-pounding and without doubt the best I have seen, the opening credits are as sexy as ever, the pace is thrilling, the cinematography breath-taking, the locales exotic, the suspense nail-biting, the climax thunderous, and the denoument comes with a spine-chilling twist.

The digital sound is crystal clear, the entire theater shakes as the villain’s den is blown to pieces in the time-honored Bond tradition. The CGI is slick and seamless. Nowadays it’s hard to tell where reality ends and CGI begins.

What’s a Bond movie without hyper-muscular henchmen, car chases at terrifying speeds, high-tech gadgets, ear-blasting pyrotechnics, and skimpily clad Bond girls?

The car chases are indeed terrifying, even if half the gadgets in Bond’s custom-made Aston Martin DB10 do not work, to his disgust. The high-tech gadgets have been toned down, but effective nonetheless, as they were in Skyfall.

The skimpily clad Bond girls of the old days are passe, alas. Now, we are told, they are no longer Bond’s arm-candy. They are, we are informed, women of substance, or some such nonsense. What rot. Bond girls are not supposed to have PhD’s. They are supposed to have dangerous necklines. There. I said it.

Her truncated kissing scene with Bond notwithstanding, Monica Belluci’s blink-and-miss appearance was a considerable disappointment. As a long-standing and very ardent admirer of the exquisitely endowed Ms Bellucci, one was keen to see more of her – literally.

Lea Seydoux as Dr Madeline Swann is the afore-mentioned, non-skimpily clad PhD woman of substance, and she is well, passable. But then, I’m comparing her to my all-time Bond-girl favorites – Ursula Andress, Halle Berry and Olga Kurylenko. I suppose one can give Seydoux benefit of the doubt.

Naomie Harris is back as Eve Moneypenny, to my delight. Oh, that sexy British accent! She should have been given more screen time. Ben Wishaw has grown quite well into the role of Q. Looks like Wishaw will take over from where Desmond Llewelyn left.  But what is missing from Q is the dry wit that John Cleese brought to the character.

Ralph Fiennes does impress in his second appearance as M. He doesn’t quite measure up to Judi Dench, but he’s getting there. Pro-wrestler Dave Bautista as Mr Hinx, looks like a scary hybrid of two old-time Bond henchmen, Jaws and Oddjob.  Christoph Waltz as Ernst Stavro Blofeld, does a good job but is not as chilling as Javier Bardem’s portrayal of Raoul Silva in Skyfall.

With Spectre, I think Bond has come full circle and Ian Fleming’s legacy comes to a graceful end. Bond confronts his life-long nemesis for the last time, lays his ghosts to rest, demolishes everything that needs to be demolished, and drives off with his lady-love at the wheel of another Bond icon, BMT 216A, the Aston Martin DB5 that made its first appearance in Goldfinger back in 1964.

db5Hopefully, this means a re-boot of the Bond character.

Craig’s Bond while brilliant, is a bit too dark. Gone are the wry one-liners of Moore, the suave ruthlessness of Connery, the smooth and deadly charm of Brosnan.

John Cleese feels that current Bond movies are made for Asian audiences, that do not appreciate typical British humor and instead prefer brute action. Sadly, I have to agree.

Bond is quintessentially British. The character is so much more than a blunt weapon. One does hope that future Bond films bring back the British flavor to 007.

Or as Bond would have said, “Keep the British end up, Sir”.

We’ve been shaken enough, Mr Bond. Let’s stir things up a bit, shall we?

Bottom line: Screw the libtards, as I said. Go watch Spectre on the big screen and enjoy yourself thoroughly. And thanks to the CFBC, you can take your kids along.

Cheers … Srini.

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